The Good, the Bad and the Baby...
Firstly, I wanted to announce that my wife is 8 months pregnant! Yes, the end of the line is so close that we could almost touch it. Time seems to fly by and what seemed like a dream, is now close to a reality...Just a tip to all those who feel that time goes by slowly until the due date of delivery, try counting down according to weeks instead of months. Believe me, though it seems trivial, it is a world of a difference to your mind.
Now you may wonder why the title of this post seems like the title of the Clint Eastwood classic; in this post I wanted to state how me and my wife plan to find the best way to bring up our child. A lot of first time parents make the mistake of mollycoddling their baby until the extent that they lose control. What seems to appease the child at that moment, may be detrimental to the child in the long run. For example, a close friend of ours has a young daughter and the mother is constantly overseas most of the time. To make up for that lost time, she tends to buy her way into her daughter's heart by getting for her anything that her daughter wants. This has backfired because that girl is now quite demanding and always wants her way no matter what. This can be either in school or play time with her friends. As a result, she is left out as no one wants to play or socialise with her. This, if left unchecked, will result in depression and when she becomes a teenager, most probably she will be a rebellious person who does not respect her elders nor even fear God. The Good Book gives us great tips on how to bring up a child and also we have great people around us who knows what's it like to raise children. They have become great mentors of ours. My elder brother-in-law recently gave us examples on how he handles his son when he wanted a toy when they went shopping. My brother-in-law asked his son three questions. 1) Is it your birthday?, 2) Is it Christmas? or 3) Did you do anything exceptionally well to deserve a present?. To all these questions, his son answered no; thus my brother-in-law did not buy that toy and his son understood that it's not just a simple no but it had it's reasons attached to it. The child learned the fact that nothing is free in this world and everything has to be earned. To a six year old, this is very well understood and everytime he visits a toy store with his father, he doesn't even bother to ask when he knows that the answers to the threee questions are a negative. There are other examples that I can give regarding this and I realised that the bottom line is just about reason, common sense that a child at any age would be able to understand or grasp if the stage was set upfront and everything is clear with tact. Gone are the days where a simple yes was a yes and a no was a no. Today, a child needs to be handled with logic and understanding.In short, what you sow is what you reap. A child can be Good, Bad or even Ugly (character) if they want to and moulding that timely to the right path lies on the parents. A responsibility recently ignored due to peer pressure and the easy way out is to give in to that moment. Parents today, hand over iPhones and PSPs just to get their child to behave in public or simply to keep them quiet. This backfires and brings about a generation who cannot converse and the mind is just about playing games. At a recent gathering, I noticed that the older crowd were mingling and talking to one another whilst the youths were on their phones and PSPs and not socialising amongst themselves. When declined these gadgets, children become very harsh and eve use strong words like hate which can grow into bitter relationships and uncouth behaviour. An extreme comparison would be heroin addicts who try to go cold turkey. I'm not against IT gadgets as they have their usefulness in making the world smaller. What I believe is, anything used with measure is beneficial and anything used lackadaisically would result in abuse. Again, it is the same as drug users. When drugs are used according to prescription, it brings about good whilst if abused, it only leads to destruction.
Now you may wonder why the title of this post seems like the title of the Clint Eastwood classic; in this post I wanted to state how me and my wife plan to find the best way to bring up our child. A lot of first time parents make the mistake of mollycoddling their baby until the extent that they lose control. What seems to appease the child at that moment, may be detrimental to the child in the long run. For example, a close friend of ours has a young daughter and the mother is constantly overseas most of the time. To make up for that lost time, she tends to buy her way into her daughter's heart by getting for her anything that her daughter wants. This has backfired because that girl is now quite demanding and always wants her way no matter what. This can be either in school or play time with her friends. As a result, she is left out as no one wants to play or socialise with her. This, if left unchecked, will result in depression and when she becomes a teenager, most probably she will be a rebellious person who does not respect her elders nor even fear God. The Good Book gives us great tips on how to bring up a child and also we have great people around us who knows what's it like to raise children. They have become great mentors of ours. My elder brother-in-law recently gave us examples on how he handles his son when he wanted a toy when they went shopping. My brother-in-law asked his son three questions. 1) Is it your birthday?, 2) Is it Christmas? or 3) Did you do anything exceptionally well to deserve a present?. To all these questions, his son answered no; thus my brother-in-law did not buy that toy and his son understood that it's not just a simple no but it had it's reasons attached to it. The child learned the fact that nothing is free in this world and everything has to be earned. To a six year old, this is very well understood and everytime he visits a toy store with his father, he doesn't even bother to ask when he knows that the answers to the threee questions are a negative. There are other examples that I can give regarding this and I realised that the bottom line is just about reason, common sense that a child at any age would be able to understand or grasp if the stage was set upfront and everything is clear with tact. Gone are the days where a simple yes was a yes and a no was a no. Today, a child needs to be handled with logic and understanding.In short, what you sow is what you reap. A child can be Good, Bad or even Ugly (character) if they want to and moulding that timely to the right path lies on the parents. A responsibility recently ignored due to peer pressure and the easy way out is to give in to that moment. Parents today, hand over iPhones and PSPs just to get their child to behave in public or simply to keep them quiet. This backfires and brings about a generation who cannot converse and the mind is just about playing games. At a recent gathering, I noticed that the older crowd were mingling and talking to one another whilst the youths were on their phones and PSPs and not socialising amongst themselves. When declined these gadgets, children become very harsh and eve use strong words like hate which can grow into bitter relationships and uncouth behaviour. An extreme comparison would be heroin addicts who try to go cold turkey. I'm not against IT gadgets as they have their usefulness in making the world smaller. What I believe is, anything used with measure is beneficial and anything used lackadaisically would result in abuse. Again, it is the same as drug users. When drugs are used according to prescription, it brings about good whilst if abused, it only leads to destruction.
I like your thoughts!
ReplyDeleteGreat that you're thinking about how to bring your child up in a God-fearing way; you have my support all the way!
This reminds me of some excerpt I was reading from the "7 Habits of Highly Effective People", about handling one's own behaviour towards his/her child, as one's actions would definitely have an impact on his/her child. And how the author would have a clear picture of how he wants to bring his children up, and how he would position the values in his life to align with that goal he has.
Maybe it's good to give that book a read again, hehe.
i love it.. and you and akka would make wonderful parents..... hugsss and in my prayers always
ReplyDelete-aumshree